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Tuesday, December 30, 2008
A couple of years ago I was in a movie...

It's called "Death Row" (See above). Besides me, it co-stars Todd Bridges, Joe Estevez (Emilio's dad and Charlie Sheen's uncle) and a DJ from bay area radio. I think you should all make an effort to rent it or netflix it. It's probably the single most important film ever made in the history of cinema. That, and within the first ten minutes I get my throat slashed and hacked (I know a lot of you who read my website genuinely don't like me, so that should make you happy.) by "The Killer" (yes, that is his official name in the credits). Just for fun, I went on IMDB today to read some reviews of the film. Here are a few of the highlights...

"This is the worst film I have ever seen. My friend and I enjoy watching horrible films and making fun of them, so in that respect, we had a good time. The writing, acting, directing, location and editing were unspeakably horrible." (Obviously, he's excluding my acting here. That's safe to assume)

"A rating of 1 is a compliment." (Well, if we're rating on a negative scale, then yes, 1 is incredible!)

"The fact remains though, that this is only good by Quiroz standards - which is not saying a lot. Death Row is a pretty bad movie, it's just not as bad as I had expected it to be." (See, this guy said it's "good".)

"There’s so little gore, it’s hard to even call this a slasher, and the killer is the antithesis of the textbook invincible, faceless horror villain; this guy is irredeemably vincible and faceful. Plus, his whole plan doesn’t make a lot of sense. He goes through way too much effort to convince everyone over and over again that he’s not the killer. After the first 10 minutes, they never doubt him, yet he continues to play it up when, given that he has the element of surprise and that all of the prisoners are in handcuffs, he could just walk in and start blasting away. Granted, making the movie about 20 minutes long would be a gamble, but I'm willing to take that chance." (I agree with everything here. I'm not in the film after the first 10 minutes, so making the film 20 minutes long would mean that I'm in half the film)

"Okay, let's see. What do we have here... a woman cut in half, a man pushed through a jail cell like he were in a potato cutter, a couple of dudes in an electric chair and the most horrific of all... Jake Busey chewing the scenery until there is nothing left. Death Row will please most gore lovers." (Finally! A genuine positive review!! Too bad it's for a different movie called "Death Row")

So if those reviews weren't reason enough to put this movie at the top of your queue, watch the trailer. (Which I'm in) http://www.pumpkinpatchpictures.com/DR_Trailer_QT.mov
posted by Ricky @ 12:27 PM  
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