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Thursday, April 27, 2006
Time seems to go rather fast during the workday, until it gets to the never ending hour, 4PM...

4:00 THE INFINITE HOUR. Time grinds to a halt. It's too early to think about leaving, the food is gone from your stomach, you can't leave for a coffee break because you spent so much time at other peoples cubicles that someone would notice

4:05: Are you kidding? Frantically scan the internet for something entertaining, only to find that I've already read everything today.

4:09: Homestar Runner hasn't updated either, dammit.

4:10:25 Check email. The send/receive button seems to be broken.

4:15-4:20 Fantasize about what the world would be like if 4:00 could just be skipped.

4:20:38: Check email. Apparently I need Viagra, and these guys want to help!

4:25: Start revenge fantasies. If 4:00 were a person. Wait, it *is* a person. 4:00 is that little pimply-faced kid who *everybody* hated in elementary school; not because he was a nerd (the nerds kicked him out), but because he was a little bastard. That jerk tattled on everyone, made fun of the geeks for their subpar transformers collection, insulted the big guys for having too much earwax, tried to make girls his best friends to make the other guys jealous, and (to top it off), sucked at kickball. He'd be standing there insulting everyone while teams were chosen, and both captains would look at 4:00 for five long minutes and eventually embark on a best-of-11 rock-paper-scissors match to see who would have to take the little jerk. Then he'd kick into double plays, drop the bouncy red balls, pick his nose and wipe it on other people, and once he even pooed his pants. At age ten! What an jerk!

4:30: That rant only lasted five minutes? 4:00 must die.

4:32:41 Check email. Nothing.

4:35: Think about ambushing 4:00 before the work day tomorrow and kicking the hell out of it. I can see the headline in the Chronicle: "Anthropomorphized time period assaulted. Suspect busted out of the pen by cheering crowd of cubicle slaves."

4:38:12: Write email, realize I have nothing to say. I swear, hit send/receive, and watch the blue Outlook bar cross the screen.

4:38:18: Hey, that was fun! I do that five more times.

4:40: Drank three straight cups of water--going back and forth to the cooler is fun!

4:45: Watching the clock on my desktop. Resetting it to atomic time over and over doesn't make it go any faster.

4:48:19: Check email. I qualify for a home loan! Even though my name is misspelled!

4:50: Cutting fingernails down to the quick and using the clippings to write things into my arm. I end up with marks that make me look like a heroin addict who can't get his life together.

4:52: Oh, dear God, end this hell now. Somebody post a funny blog entry or let a natural disaster strike somewhere or let some politician say something stupid or anything at all. I hate my computer and if that guy from Siebel calls again to help me maximize my sales potential I will hunt down his children and turn them into a poorly done, first-try-is-just-for practice taxidermy project.

4:53:01: Check email. Nothing. Check myspace. 4 new page views, but no new messages or comments. I hate everyone.

4:53:09: Check email. Nothing. I hate all of my friends.

4:54: The phone rings. It's the guy from Siebel, wanting to "follow up" on a couple of "action items." I hang up on him mid-sentence.

4:56: I'm a puddle. I resolve to get hit by a car every day at 3:57 to avoid the 4:00 hour.

4:56:01.8: Check email. The King of Nigeria needs me to loan him 500 US dollars to get his son out of an American detainee camp. Upon which, the King will wire $75,000 to my account.

4:57: I watch every second on the second hand go from 00 to 59. Wow.

4:58: Look at clock. Boss is by the door. Dammit. I could have bern gone.

4:59: Attempt to pass out. Fail.

4:59:21: Check email. Nothing

4:59:29: Check email. Nothing

4:59:31: Open up the clock icon in Windows and watch the second hand go by. I swear the programmers made it like those clocks in elementary school that tick *back* before they tick forward. I hate Microsoft.

5:00: Get an emergency call on the hotline. I'm here till 7 instead of leaving right now. Someone will pay.
posted by Ricky @ 2:42 PM  
1 Comments:
  • At 4/27/2006 05:27:00 PM, Anonymous Stacey said…

    wow sounds like a great fun job. at least you did not have your kids trying to figure out what month you had sex in order to give birth in July. that was uncomfortable. suck it up.

    P.S. since you are so metro, you should give yourself a manicure at work, that will waste some time.

    P.S.S. it;s really nice and warm outside, too bad you are stuck inside. bummer for you. it might still be warm by 7pm.

     
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