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Wednesday, January 31, 2007
No this is not a joke...

posted by Ricky @ 9:39 PM   4 comments
I sleep naked.

It's important you know that, going into this story. Last night around 1am, I was fast asleep. In fact, I was having a cool dream about driving to my friends house with Jay-Z. Anyway, moments later I'm awaken to hearing Nicki saying "Oh shit"! I open my eyes and see our closet door slowly opening. At this point I was still a little out of it, but then it started opening faster. So I threw my covers off, and jumped out of bed in my birthday suit looking for a fight. Turns out, it was just our dog, who somehow made his way into our closet, and was trying to get out. Point is people, that I'm really tough. I jumped out of my bed naked, at 1 in the morning for (what I thought) was going to be me vs. some intruder. I had so much adrenaline running through my veins after all of this, that I got up, checked on Kayla, got something to drink, drained my main vein, and checked my email.

It's comforting to know I'm a tough guy. And make no mistake, it's NO coincidence that I'm listening to my internet radio station and it's playing "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J right now. Seriously. I didn't even tell it to play that song. Affirmation people. Affirmation.

I gotta thank God. Cause he gave me the skills to rock HARD.
posted by Ricky @ 7:57 AM   13 comments
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
When I get around to it I'll post some pictures of my new car. I keep forgetting about it when it's daylight.
posted by Ricky @ 7:49 PM   1 comments
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Some of my best work.... My reply is below her initial email.

From: csloan [mailto:]
Sent: Wednesday, January 24, 2007 12:45 PM
To: Ricky Borba
Subject: regarding my application

My name is Christine Sloan and I filled out an application to start my own Pump It Up. Unfortunately before I was finished completing my application it got submitted. I am very interested in exploring this opportunity. My son and I went to a birthday party at the Pump It Up in Peabody,Ma and found it to be an excellent experience. We are having a birthday party for him there this Saturday Jan 27. Pump it Up is an excellent place to have a childs party or even a team building event. I am very interested and excited to help this concept grow in Massachusetts and in New England. Thank you.


Christine Sloan


Hi Christine,

While it's too late to you pull your application out of the "people that have no business owning a Pump It Up because they can't even complete the application" file, (I know, it's a long file name, but that file is HUGE) you can just start over again and resubmit a new one. And please note, you're jumping the gun waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too early with the brown nosing. You won't have to say things like "pump it up is an excellent place to have a childs party or team building event and I'm very interested, etc" until you start talking to Marla about UFOC's and things like that.

Have a super great day. I've eaten a lot of sugar recently. I'll probably be napping in about 30 minutes.

Ricky Borba
IT/Help Desk & Sales
PIU Management, LLC
PH: 925-397-1300
FAX: 925-600-0279
PIU Help Line 925-397-1395

posted by Ricky @ 1:19 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
The Oscar Nominations. What a joke.

The Oscar nominations came out today. I can't even think of one reason I'll watch this year. I'm not excited about any of the nominations. None.

Best Picture Noms:
Babel, The Departed, Letters From Iwo Jima, Little Miss Sunshine, The Queen

Babel is the most pretentious, self-righteous movie I've ever seen. Not only that, but there are so many unecessary threads to the story, that it's distracting. Everyone in the movie does something sexual at some point. And that's saying a lot, considering half of the movie follows the lives of two teenage boys living as goat farmers in some third world country. It's just unecessary.

The only other movie I saw out of that lot is Little Miss Sunshine. And boy was I disappointed in that movie when it ended. I even said out loud, "I don't even know what to think of that movie". It was boring, unoriginal and just plain not that good.

The Departed will probably win because they owe Martin Scorsese like 20 oscars for things he's done in the past, and never won for. I bet you that this years Oscars become "Martin Scorsese Night". He'll win for best picture, best director, and best adapted screenplay. Watch. I can practically guarantee it.

You can google the rest of the nominations yourself. The only other thing I found interesting is that Eddie Murphy is nominated for best supporting actor for his role in "Dreamgirls". Wow. Eddie Murphy. His last....I don't know.....20 movies or so have completely sucked (that aren't named Shrek), and he also plays every role in all of his movies now anyway. Have you seen the trailer for Norbit??!!
posted by Ricky @ 10:35 AM   0 comments
Sunday, January 21, 2007
posted by Ricky @ 8:04 AM   1 comments
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Last night I became Kayla's dad...

This might sound weird because I've been Kayla's dad for 8 months already. But last night I did something that just really hit home the fact and feeling that I am responsible for her precious little well being. I've fed her, changed her diaper, bathed her, dressed her, played with her and done plenty of other things with her since she was born May 19th. So this event that happened last night caught me completely off guard.

Every night when Kayla goes to bed, Nicki and I lay her down and rub her little face and head until she relaxes enough to start falling asleep. Then we pray with her and leave the room. Last night, although she was extremely tired when she went to bed, decided she wasn't exactly ready to fall asleep yet when we put her down. So we left the room and heard her playing in her crib for about a half hour. Nicki and I stayed up for another hour or so, then decided to go to bed for ourselves. So right before we went to bed, I went into her room to check on her. She was sleeping on top of the covers because she was standing while playing in her crib, and must have fallen over and fell asleep on top of the covers. So I lifted her little body up into my arms while she was sound asleep, pulled her covers back, and put her underneath them.

Other than watching her being born, that was the most emotional experience I've had as her father. My eyes are welling up as I'm writing this. It's just really strange what sort of things hit you. I would have thought bathing her or feeding her would be emotional like that. But it was when I had her little body in my arms, and was tucking her under her covers last night when I realized how completely helpless she is, and how much she relies on us to take care of every tiny little thing for her.

I think I became her "dad" last night.
posted by Ricky @ 3:12 PM   3 comments
Monday, January 15, 2007
We just got back from Blairsden/Reno...

Wow. What a trip. And I don't mean "trip" as in the drive and stay in Blairsden. I mean it as "trippy". The 2 and a half days we stayed in Blairsden was quite possibly the most fun I've had in a long time. Things that happened on the trip:

I got really close with "Randolph" the inflatable boyfriend that Dana brought. (No, it's not a "blow-up" doll. Well, kind of it is, but not like that. It's not a "sexual" doll")

I lost $50 in Reno at Circus Circus. But Nicki won $89. They had to shut down the casino after Nicki cashed out with $89. I'm not even sure if they're back open yet after taking such a loss.

I golfed a 0 for 9 holes on Wii Golf. I golf MUCH better when my pants are sagging.

I used the water spray feature of my windshield wipers when it was 6 degrees outside and as soon as the water hit my windshield, it immediately froze.

I successfully got the golf ball to stay on the tee inside the water globe in under 10 seconds.

I took this picture when it was about 12 degrees outside:

P.S. I fixed the heater inside our house. After 2 months of wondering why it didn't work anymore at all ever, last night I got pissed because our house was 44 degrees when we got home, and I basically dismantled it to find out that there are TWO air filters. One of which I cleaned about 2 months ago to no avail. But the other one I found hadn't been cleaned since the heater was installed in '01. I vacuumed out about 2 pounds worth of soot and crap, and now the house heats up faster than a Catholic priest in a boy scout meeting. Oh snap!

posted by Ricky @ 11:59 AM   4 comments
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Me. Circa 1986.

posted by Ricky @ 10:43 PM   4 comments
Saturday, January 06, 2007
I'm bored out of my skull. So you all get this:

in three words:

1. Where is your cell phone?
in my pocket

2. Boyfriend/girlfriend?
have a wife

3. Your hair?
is totally awesome

4. Your mother?
lives in manteca

5. Your father?
lives in livermore

6. Your favorite item?
is my daughter

7. Your dream last night?
do not remember

8. Your favorite drink?
iced midori sour

9. Your dream car?
a lamborghini diablo

10. The room you are in?
my computer room

12. Your fear?
not realizing expectations

13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
39 years old

14. Who did you hang out with last niight?
kayla, nicki, dogs

15. What you're not?
perfect, in shape

16. Muffins?
love muffins okay?

17: One of your wish list items?
to be an actor

18: What time is it?
ten ten pm

19. The last thing you did?
checked on kayla

20. What are you wearing?
my birthday suit

22. Your favorite book?
i dont read

23. The last thing you ate?
dinner at 8

24. Your life?
mundane, uninspiring, meaningful

25. Your mood?
indifferent, solemn, content

26. Your friends?
are in oregon

27. What are you thinking about right now?
is this done

28. Your car:
blue ford taurus

29. What are you doing at the moment?
filling this out

30. Your summer?
kayla was born

31. Your relationship status?
im currently married,

32. What is on your tv?
a blue screen

33. When is the last time you laughed?
20 minutes ago

34. Last time you cried?
july of 2006

35. School?
posted by Ricky @ 10:15 PM   0 comments
Monday, January 01, 2007
I hate 2007. Let's recap new years eve 2006-07:

1. Get lost inside the gated community right when we get there.

2. Nicki gets sick within 20 minutes of arrival.

3. I have to go to the store to get my "girlie drinks", within minutes of finally arriving after being lost.

4. I get back to the house house, Nicki is worse. She goes to vomit.

5. Minutes later, Kayla is screaming while her diaper is being changed. A sign of things to come...

6. Kayla screams bloody murder as soon as we put her down for bed. About 10 minutes later, I go to the room and spend the next 20 minutes calming her down to the point where she can fall asleep.

7. Nicki tries to give it the ol' college try, but decides to "go lay down for a bit".

8. About an hour and a half after Kayla and Nicki are both asleep, we start playing "asshole". Minutes later, after a thunderous round of laughter from our table, Kayla screams bloody murder.

9. I go into the room and take Kayla. Toni, Tiffany, and myself all spend time trying to calm her down. Finally, after about 30 minutes, we are able to get her to fall asleep again upstairs in Quinn's future room.

10. 15 minutes later, Adam Smith, starts shooting bottle rockets off in the driveway, mere feet away from the window of the room Kayla is in. We've reached Defcon 4 with Kayla.

11. What seems like hours and hours is spent trying to calm Kayla down again. Once again, multiple people try and console her and calm her. I finally get her to sleep in my arms, then place her in her crib at the top of the stairs so she is away from the window.

12. Midnight. Uneventful. Nicki is worsening. We decide to stay the night instead of drive back to Manteca. We did not prepare for this turn of events, and have no toothbrushes, or any other item we will need in the morning.

13. Dana finally starts making the brownies she bought. Finally, a little something goes right for Ricky on new years.

14. The "little something that goes right" is short lived, as soon as Adam Smith dumps about 4 pounds of marijuana in the brownies. No brownies for Ricky.

15. Around 3AM everyone goes to bed and I am extremely looking forward to the guest bed I am about to sleep in. Upon entering the room, Nicki is doubled over, and runs to the bathroom to vomit again. It's at that point it's decided she would probably be better off sleeping alone in the bed. She gives me her blessing to sleep on the couch so she can have all the room she needs.

16. After searching for minutes in the dark, I find that the chair with the recliner is vacant. I then find a blanket that was obviously made for a tiny midget. Starting at my feet, it comes up to my knees. Life is great.

17. I fall asleep for what seemed like seconds, when in actuality, it was more like 30 minutes. My neck is killing me from the position I am in in the recliner, and I'm cold.

18. I decide to move to the narrow, slippery leather couch, with my mini blanket.

19. I'm so tired that I can't even fall asleep. It doesn't matter however, because about 20 minutes later, I hear what sounds like 50 pound weights being dropped in the room above me. The stairway lights go on. I'm confused, tired, hungry, scared, and cold. Surprisingly, Kayla doesn't wake up, so I close my eyes again.

20. When minutes later I hear the same sounds, and see the lights go on again. I walk upstairs, to find Adam Smith, in his boxers, his hand in Kayla's crib, mumbling the same phrase over and over again. Something to the effect of "ifuckinghaveyounow". He must have said it 20 times. I ask him what he's doing, but I could have been talking to a wall at that point. He's gone. He literally jogs in place for about 20 seconds, then goes back to bed. Surreal.

21. Tiffany and I share a look with each other as if to say "what the fuck is going on in this house right now?" Alex, still sleeping, farts.

22. I go back downstairs and get my napkin blanket, come back upstairs and lye down next to Kayla's crib. I'm so worried Adam Smith is going to come out of his room with a chainsaw, or a gun, or both, that I do not fall asleep.

23. About an hour later, Stacey gets up to get a bottle for Quinn or something, and kicks me in the head as she walks by. So far, 2007 is the best year EVER.

24. As Stacey makes her way back upstairs, she forgets to close the bedroom door, allowing me to hear coughing, babies, and Matt Smith mumbling.

25. Around 6:30, and with a grand total of about 25 minutes of sleeping for the entire night, Kayla wakes up in her crib and starts playing. Perfect.

26. I walk downstairs, go to Nicki's room, and she is not any better. I tell her its almost 7am and that Kayla is up. Nicki nurses Kayla quickly as I sleepwalk through the house gathering our items. I go back to the room, and Nicki needs me to relieve her so she can vomit again.

27. Minutes later, Kayla is crying again as we put her in the carseat. I'm tired, still hungry, confused, irritated, annoyed, really really tired, and not looking forward to driving back to Manteca.

28. Our windshield is frozen. I go back into the house, fill up the water bottle with water, defrost the windshield, and drive through the dense fog back to Manteca. Nicki doesn't vomit in the car, but she does as soon as we arrive.

29. I finally get to go to bed around 9am when my mother wakes up and relieves me of my Kayla duty.

30. I wake up at 11:30am in a panic for some reason. And realize I need to get home because I have to work tomorrow. I leave the daughter and wife in Manteca, because they are both sleeping when I get up.

I can't wait for 2008.
posted by Ricky @ 7:26 PM   2 comments
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About Me: Why yes, yes I am Ricky Borba.
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