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Friday, November 30, 2007

Today. 10:32am. Karen called Marlene who happens to sit behind me. Here's how the conversation went: (On speakerphone)

Karen: You there?
Marlene: Yeah.
Karen: So we have to re-order ALL of the Christmas cards.
Marlene: Oh no. Why?
Karen: They spelled "autism" wrong on all of the cards.

That conversation was followed by a "HA HA HA" from me at my desk, which was then followed by a little jig. I want so badly to go shove all of those cards in the faces of the leadership team that UNANIMOUSLY voted that they weren't funny or appropriate. Maybe you should have all UNANIMOUSLY used spell-check? Or UNANIMOUSLY proof-read them? Ahhhh, to the victor goes the spoils. God loves me.

Ricky: 1
PIUM Leadership Team: 0

P.S. Ha Ha Stacey!

P.P.S. I went to Office Max at lunch and paid $15 to have my signature made into a stamp.
posted by Ricky @ 10:44 AM   2 comments
Thursday, November 29, 2007
I got in trouble at work yesterday...

It's that time of year again. Time when offices around the world pass around "Holiday" (lets make sure we don't call them Christmas, as not to offend anyone k?) cards to send out to valued customers. You know the ones. They usually say something really forgetful and insincere like "Here's to a Happy Holiday season and a prosperous New Year. From everyone at FILL IN YOUR COMPANY NAME". Everyone in the office is asked to put their signature on the cards. Our office had 250 cards. Wednesday afternoon the cards were being passed around, and I was "feeling it". So instead of just putting my signature on the card I put a little something extra on over half of them. Things like:

Merry Easter
Happy Christmas
Please see me after class
Recycle this card
I just won the lottery!
Happy Holidays from all of us here at Southwest Airlines
I wish I had a stamp with my signature on it
Man my arm is really tired
Way to go!
This is blue ink
Abrob Ykcir
You make me so proud!
#215 out of 250
God Bless America!

I did about 150 unique phrases (on 150 different cards). Yesterday around 3pm I got called into my bosses office, and the CEO was sitting there with all of my cards. Immediately I thought "Oh great. They're firing me." I sat down and Deb, my boss, said "We know how you don't like long drawn out things, so we're going to keep this short. It was unanimously decided in the leadership meeting yesterday that A) they were not funny and B) they were inappropriate. We took another vote and decided that we're not going to make you pay for the 150 cards we have to re-order however."

Then the CEO gave me a speech that I'll probably never forget. He said "Don't take this as a put-down or a compliment. But you have a very child-like outlook on life. At 29 it's probably ok, but when you're 34 in 5 years you're going to have to play by the rules and blah blah blah". As soon as he said that, I was reminded of the bible verse in Mark chapter 10:14-15 which says, (Jesus speaking here) "Let the children come to me, do not hinder them, for to such belongs the Kingdom of God. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it". I was proud of myself for writing a little something extra on those cards, and I was REALLY careful not to be offensive or inappropriate. I told Deb and Gordon that my intentions were so, and they weren't malicious. After my explanation they both "got it" and no longer viewed my actions as malicious or having done it because I'm leaving here in a month. So at the end, everyone was on the same page.

So now they've rush ordered 150 new "Holiday" cards, and I have to go around and let everyone know how "sorry" I am that they have to sign them again. Well guess what? I'm not sorry. Where in hell has the Christmas spirit gone? Do you really think a franchisee getting that card would have been offended or thought less of it because I put a humorous phrase above my signature? Get over yourselves Pump It Up. You keep forgetting that our business is a CHILDREN'S BIRTHDAY PARTY PLACE. I can't wait to get the hell out of here.

Happy "Holidays" everyone.
posted by Ricky @ 9:41 AM   3 comments
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Click here for the rest of the article.(The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses)
This is not my article. Someone else wrote it. I just thought it was funny enough to repost.

We've all been there. You're walking along, minding your own business, when a gang of cocky, young bastards start hurling abuse at you. Most of us would just keep walking, or maybe, yell some insults back or flip them the bird. Elisha (commonly regarded as the Luke Skywalker to the Prophet Elijah's Obi-Wan Kenobi), however, decides to take it one step further. Invoking the name of God, he summons motherfucking bears to come and claw the shit out of them.

Christians are constantly asking for prayer in schools to help get today's kids in line, but we beg to differ. We need bears in schools. If every teacher had the power to summon a pair of child-maiming grizzly avengers, you can bet that schoolchildren nowadays would be the most well-behaved, polite children, ever. It's a simple choice: listen to the biology lesson, or get first-hand knowledge of the digestive system of Ursus horribilis. It should be pointed out that even after his death, Elisha continued to kick ass. II Kings 13:20-21 tells us that when a dead body was thrown into his tomb and touched Elisha's bones, it sprang back to life. It's unknown whether Elisha had this power in life, as well as death, but we like to think he did and that he had the habit of killing his victims with bears, resurrecting them, and then promptly re-summoning the bears to kill them, again. He'd just repeat the whole thing over and over until he got bored.

Click here for the rest of the article.(The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses)
posted by Ricky @ 9:27 AM   0 comments
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Cool Speed Bump.

posted by Ricky @ 3:50 PM   0 comments
Monday, November 26, 2007
Maybe I should start liking the Red Sox. At least their fans anyway. (He has autism)

posted by Ricky @ 10:09 PM   0 comments
I'm sick.

So is Nicki. So is Kayla. Brielle doesn't like to sleep at night, so adding that onto this cold/flu is bad news. I could fall asleep at my desk right now. This sucks.

I'll be 30 in 10 days. I haven't stopped to ponder that for more than a minute or so at a time, because I'm afraid that once I come to grips with it that I'll freak out and go get a tattoo or something. Kind of like a pre-mid-life crisis.

Thanksgiving was fun. I played football. I got to the field around 7:45am, and I felt like I was in Buffalo New York in the middle of January. It must have been below 40. Not 40 below, but below 40. I setup the field and went home to go get my beanie. I played pretty well during the flag football game. I threw 3 touchdowns and 2 interceptions. Our defense was horrible though. Instead of actually covering receivers, our defensive guys all stood around in the same spots hoping to make interceptions. We would have won if our defense played better. I'm almost positive I wrote about what I'm about to write last year at this same time, but the Thanksgiving game makes me feel bad because about 40 people show up to play. A few people always leave pissed off and upset for one reason or another. It's just hard to please everyone. That's why we play twice a month from September to February. You can't expect to come out for Thanksgiving and be an ironman, playing the entire game on defense AND offense. It just doesn't work like that.

posted by Ricky @ 1:31 PM   1 comments
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Taco Bell story update:

John, the district manager for Taco Bell in my area just called to inform me that Gabrial, the confrontational Taco Bell cash register psychopath, has been fired. John told me that "The Taco Bell standard of excellence was definitely not met, and that the company has no place for a person of that character." He was let go shortly after I called the hotline, but John had been busy and forgot to call me to let me know.

Take that Gabrial! Good luck on finding another job that will pay you $6.75 an hour, sucker!
posted by Ricky @ 4:14 PM   1 comments
Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I will Dana, I will.
posted by Ricky @ 5:29 PM   0 comments
Sunday, November 18, 2007
I love music.

No, not in the same way a 14 year-old girl loves Britney Spears music. I love music the same way a drug addict loves to get their next fix. (I'm assuming) To me, music can change your mood, your feelings, the pace of your day, and it can also bring back memories of the wonderful moments in your life. Have you ever allowed yourself to listen to music with nothing else going on? No TV. Not while you're running. Not while you're driving. Not because you're trying to fall asleep. Not while you're making sweet love. Have you ever just listened to music for no other reason than to listen to music? If you haven't ever done that, you should. You owe it to yourself.

For me, certain songs will always remind me of specific times in my life. Here are a few:

U Can't Touch This by MC Hammer will always remind me of my youth and living next to MC Hammer. We played football in the street with him, got to go to his video shoots, and go over his house for the Super Bowl and stuff.

Blood On The Dance Floor by Michael Jackson will always remind me of taking my brother Steve's truck to San Francisco with my girlfriend at the time and going to my first nightclub. I think I played that song like 23 times on the way there.

Stupify by Disturbed will always remind me of Christmas 2002 driving on the bay bridge on my way home from installing a phone system.

Boyz n Tha Hood by Eazy E will always remind me of when I first heard a TON of cussing in a song, then I'd go around repeating those lyrics and getting in trouble.

Those are just a few examples of what some songs remind me of. I could literally list 20 to 30 more songs and the things they remind me of, but I don't want to bore you. The point is, for me there is no stronger memory jogger than music. I know some people say that smell is the strongest sense that is attributed to memory, but I whole-heartidly disagree. Music is the soundtrack to my life. When I'm at work sitting at my desk, I literally feel like something is missing if I don't have my music on. And I don't mean missing like "Oh my music isn't on". I mean it like a part of me isn't there. Music has that much impact on me.

So I thought I'd put some links here to the songs that I'm currently listening to over and over again. Feel free to click the song title and download it yourself.

Crocodile by Underworld
Munich by Editors
Live at Dominoes by The Avalanches
You Won't Know by Brand New
Eminence Front by The Who
I get It by Chevelle
posted by Ricky @ 7:20 PM   0 comments
Friday, November 16, 2007
23 things about yours truly:

  1. I've always wanted a tattoo but never could decide on something. Dueling lightsabers seems to be the one thing I never completely rule out. We'll see.
  2. I trust people to a fault, and I don't have a backbone when it comes to standing up to people. I usually let them walk all over me because I hate hurting people. I'd rather let them act like a jerk then I talk smack about them. I need to be more assertive.
  3. I REALLY want a boy before it's all said and done, but I can't imagine a life without my two girls. Kayla is so precious to me. She loves me so much and I want to eat her. Brielle is so tiny and precious that it makes me smile when I think about her.
  4. I like to spend money. I don't have any credit cards, but I like to buy cool stuff. Mostly DVD's and video games (sometimes, those things are expensive).
  5. I can't wait for Nicki to start working so I can really focus on acting and editing. I miss it.
  6. Chicken Parm is probably my favorite meal.
  7. I think women are beautiful.
  8. I love my family(Entire extended). I wouldn't want to be in any other family on Earth.
  9. My parents split when I was 16. I don't remember being 16 or 17. I went through some really tough stuff during those two years, so I'm glad God has blocked it out of my memory.
  10. I am the SLOWEST runner you'll ever meet. I couldn't run fast if my life depended on it. I just can't run fast. Or jump high. At all.
  11. I'm a really accurate QB. I've played flag football twice a month (From September to February) for the last 6 years. Since I can't run or jump, I've become quite the QB.
  12. I'm left handed. I write left handed. Throw left handed. BUT, I kick right footed. BUT, I shoot a handgun left handed and a sniper rifle right handed.
  13. I often fantasize about being a Hitman. Seriously.
  14. I used to write raps in 7th and 8th grade under the name MC Smooth.
  15. When I was 15 the housecleaning ladies caught me masturbating. It was mortifying.
  16. I have no desire to travel the world. I like being a homebody.
  17. I've never done a drug or smoked a cigarette.
  18. It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
  19. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then I must have held many things. (That's ALL mine. 10th grade. I wrote it myself)
  20. I love the smell of the first rain.
  21. I like the smell of a skunk.
  22. I HATE smelling like food. On my clothes, hands or anything else.
  23. I wish I knew Morgan Freeman. He seems like a cool guy.
posted by Ricky @ 4:26 PM   1 comments
Ghostbusters 3!!!

Kind of. BUT, Dan Akyroyd, Harold Ramis AND Bill Murray are providing the voices for this game. I can't wait!

posted by Ricky @ 2:52 PM   0 comments
Monday, November 12, 2007
oh man. i am HILARIOUS. watch the new video.
posted by Ricky @ 10:10 PM   2 comments
I hate interpretive dance.

But my church did this particular one a couple weeks ago, and I think it's pretty powerful.

posted by Ricky @ 4:08 PM   1 comments
Friday, November 09, 2007
I don't have A.D.D. But I'll be damned at work when I'm given a very mundane task...

Here's the rundown of my day at work:

8am: Arrive

9:52: Start working

10:01 Finish working for the day.

10:02 - 5:00PM: Visit various websites, get up and talk to people, play football outside, take a 90 minute lunch, write my name on the wall in the bathroom in Hebrew, call in a bomb-threat to my office from a blocked number, switch around all of the phone cables in the server room so everyone has the wrong extension on their desk, leave.

So as you can see, my day is not stressful in the slightest. However, when I get something to do that is repetitive, such as create 163 email addresses through active directory, the LAST thing I want to do is sit at my desk and do it. I will find 418 other things to do while simultaneously completing a project like that. Like I said, I don't have A.D.D. I just have no desire to sit here at a desk and do something repetitive for 8 hours. I'd rather have bamboo shoots stuck up my fingernails while a Celine Deon CD was playing over and over again. Wait, maybe the Celine Deon CD would be a bit much.
posted by Ricky @ 3:20 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Feel free to comment here on the new flash video that plays at the bottom.
I know, I'm SO COOL.
posted by Ricky @ 7:51 PM   5 comments
Monday, November 05, 2007
Two random thoughts. Completely unrelated.

Today my friend Jackson blogged about the new google phone. One of his points was that he currently has to jump through various hurdles to sync his calendar on his current cell phone and that it's a huge hassle. So I wrote this to him, "I often think of this when I myself start complaining about doing various computer related tasks, so when you said "I have to jump through various hurdles to sync my calendar.." I thought of it again:

Think about how LAZY we all are. Seriously. Way back in the day, guys used to have to build RAILROADS and SKYSCRAPERS, and travel across the country by mule and stuff like that. I complain about having to reorganize the icons on my desktop, and having to organize my mp3's. Something is wrong with us Jackson."

My other random thought is about sports. Yes, bay area sports suck royal ass now. The 49ers are 2-6 and haven't won a Super bowl in 13 years. The Raiders are 2-6 and haven't won a Super Bowl since the mid 80's. The A's and Giants both sucked this year and both of them haven't won a World Series in ages. (The A's have a more recent Championship. The Giants just flat out suck.) The Sharks have never won a Championship after being in the league 16 years. The Warriors haven't won a Championship since they've been in Oakland. Yes. The state of bay area sports is in peril. But here's my point:


Yeah, it would have been sweet if one of our teams would have won a Championship recently, but don't you get more out of the week to week games rather than anything else? Alex Smith SUCKS HARD, but I STILL watch every snap of every 49er game because of how exciting it is to see a great catch, run or hit. The baseball season is 6 months long, but it's just as fun to watch the regular season games because you can really follow the players and stats. My point is that it's not only fun watching and rooting for your favorite team when/if they make the playoffs, but it's just as fun following them for the season. The season is where the storylines are. It's fun to sit around on a Sunday with friends and smack talk all day about how your team is better than theirs. Sports in general are fun. And just because the bay area can't put together ONE winning program out of the 6 major-league level teams, doesn't mean we should be sad about it. It's fun to follow your team, even if they suck.
posted by Ricky @ 5:56 PM   2 comments
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Condo is a no go.

So, we looked at that condo today. And on our way home we decided not to get it. Here is a list of the reasons why. For starters, it's really small. About 1100 square feet. The house we live in right now is 1700, and we just added another baby. So the size is the major concern. The other things we weren't happy with are:

1. No front or back yard.
2. No place to play outside except for the little tiny swing and slide.
3. The dogs would have nowhere to play. They'd be in the house all the time. They're Australian Shepherds and really energetic, so that would be bad. Plus, right now we let them go to the bathroom on the lawn and we clean it once or twice a week. At the condo we'd have to walk them to God knows where, and clean it up every time. Not fun.
4. There's a huge marsh/pond in the middle of the property that isn't fenced off. Kayla or Brielle could walk right into it. No thanks.
5. We weren't thrilled with having to make sure our music and movies were turned down really low at 10pm.
6. We weren't thrilled with having people live above, below and on the sides of us. No privacy.
7. No garage.
8. Only one guaranteed parking spot. So one of us would be trying to find a close spot every night.
9. The neighborhood isn't that great.
10. There was only one more 1st floor condo left. And to have an 18 month old and a one month old to carry up stairs all the time would suck. So would moving into a 2nd or 3rd floor house. No elevators.

The end. The search continues.

posted by Ricky @ 8:45 PM   2 comments
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Quick stuff....

1. I was just writing a friend an email, and I said something I think is pretty telling/funny. So I'm going to share with my huge reader base. (Huge as in my mom, wife, a couple people from church, and a few people I pay to visit the site). For the first time in my life, the messes all over my house aren't mine. Kayla is a terror. EVERY SINGLE room she goes into, she will grab EVERYTHING at her level, look at it, and toss it. There are more DVD's on the floor in my office right now than in the actual rack.

2. Facebook is cool. I just added quite a few people to my friend list that A) aren't on myspace and B) I haven't talked to in ages. Turns out Nicki's cousin in Palo Alto hangs out with the girl from my class at Mission that beat me out for Senior class president. Small world.

3. I picked up Kayla so many times one armed last night (because I was holding Brielle in the other arm) that I tweaked some sort of mid back muscle on my left side. I feel like I had a stroke on my left side. Maybe I'll start slurring my speech and shitting myself so I can REALLY get some attention.

4. I'm pretty sure tonight was the last night my church will have brought food to us. It's been a good 18 days. With a new hot meal being delivered every other day. Thank you Crossroads church. And might I add that I'm a VERY picky eater but every meal delivered was something I liked. Way to go team. But I can only repay you in shout outs. Sorry.

5. I'm about an hour away in terms of playing time of achieving "Captain" in Halo 3. Once I get there, I think I'm going to slowly start playing Halo 3 so much. Maybe not though. It's entirely up to me because I'm a grown man! You hear that Nicki!? I'M A GROWN MAN.

6. We're going to look at a condo this weekend in Sacramento. 3 bedrooms, two bathrooms. Brand new development in Antelope. The kicker? $100 a month for two years. Don't believe me? Too good to be true? Must be a catch?? Go look for yourself.
posted by Ricky @ 7:51 PM   1 comments
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