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Sunday, April 30, 2006
I'm going to the batting cages in Newark. Bye.
posted by Ricky @ 6:33 PM   0 comments
Saturday, April 29, 2006
I hope Matt Leinart...

Turns out to be a huge bust. His demeanor is that of an arrogant prick, and he didn't seem like he cared about anything other than himself. I hope he sucks.
posted by Ricky @ 10:39 AM   2 comments
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Dear guys from the roofing company that I played softball for the second time with tonight...

Sorry I sucked. I'm sorry I mis-judged every single fly ball that was hit my way. I havent' played since high school, and even in high school I never played the outfield. (And before Matt and Mike call me a liar, I am talking about freshman year when I was still playing little league) I was a pitcher and played first base. So again, I'm sorry. I know you guys were short some players, but I'm sure you would have done better without me. Thanks for pulling me out of the game entirely in the 5th inning though, even though we were still short a player. That made me feel great. Don't worry though, because my wife is pregnant and I probably won't be playing again with you guys. Have a good one.
posted by Ricky @ 8:14 PM   3 comments

I just found out Rene Russo lives in Brentwood. She will be mine someday. Oh yes, she will be mine. And now that I know she lives less than 45 minutes away from me, that someday will be a lot sooner.
posted by Ricky @ 4:38 PM   3 comments
Time seems to go rather fast during the workday, until it gets to the never ending hour, 4PM...

4:00 THE INFINITE HOUR. Time grinds to a halt. It's too early to think about leaving, the food is gone from your stomach, you can't leave for a coffee break because you spent so much time at other peoples cubicles that someone would notice

4:05: Are you kidding? Frantically scan the internet for something entertaining, only to find that I've already read everything today.

4:09: Homestar Runner hasn't updated either, dammit.

4:10:25 Check email. The send/receive button seems to be broken.

4:15-4:20 Fantasize about what the world would be like if 4:00 could just be skipped.

4:20:38: Check email. Apparently I need Viagra, and these guys want to help!

4:25: Start revenge fantasies. If 4:00 were a person. Wait, it *is* a person. 4:00 is that little pimply-faced kid who *everybody* hated in elementary school; not because he was a nerd (the nerds kicked him out), but because he was a little bastard. That jerk tattled on everyone, made fun of the geeks for their subpar transformers collection, insulted the big guys for having too much earwax, tried to make girls his best friends to make the other guys jealous, and (to top it off), sucked at kickball. He'd be standing there insulting everyone while teams were chosen, and both captains would look at 4:00 for five long minutes and eventually embark on a best-of-11 rock-paper-scissors match to see who would have to take the little jerk. Then he'd kick into double plays, drop the bouncy red balls, pick his nose and wipe it on other people, and once he even pooed his pants. At age ten! What an jerk!

4:30: That rant only lasted five minutes? 4:00 must die.

4:32:41 Check email. Nothing.

4:35: Think about ambushing 4:00 before the work day tomorrow and kicking the hell out of it. I can see the headline in the Chronicle: "Anthropomorphized time period assaulted. Suspect busted out of the pen by cheering crowd of cubicle slaves."

4:38:12: Write email, realize I have nothing to say. I swear, hit send/receive, and watch the blue Outlook bar cross the screen.

4:38:18: Hey, that was fun! I do that five more times.

4:40: Drank three straight cups of water--going back and forth to the cooler is fun!

4:45: Watching the clock on my desktop. Resetting it to atomic time over and over doesn't make it go any faster.

4:48:19: Check email. I qualify for a home loan! Even though my name is misspelled!

4:50: Cutting fingernails down to the quick and using the clippings to write things into my arm. I end up with marks that make me look like a heroin addict who can't get his life together.

4:52: Oh, dear God, end this hell now. Somebody post a funny blog entry or let a natural disaster strike somewhere or let some politician say something stupid or anything at all. I hate my computer and if that guy from Siebel calls again to help me maximize my sales potential I will hunt down his children and turn them into a poorly done, first-try-is-just-for practice taxidermy project.

4:53:01: Check email. Nothing. Check myspace. 4 new page views, but no new messages or comments. I hate everyone.

4:53:09: Check email. Nothing. I hate all of my friends.

4:54: The phone rings. It's the guy from Siebel, wanting to "follow up" on a couple of "action items." I hang up on him mid-sentence.

4:56: I'm a puddle. I resolve to get hit by a car every day at 3:57 to avoid the 4:00 hour.

4:56:01.8: Check email. The King of Nigeria needs me to loan him 500 US dollars to get his son out of an American detainee camp. Upon which, the King will wire $75,000 to my account.

4:57: I watch every second on the second hand go from 00 to 59. Wow.

4:58: Look at clock. Boss is by the door. Dammit. I could have bern gone.

4:59: Attempt to pass out. Fail.

4:59:21: Check email. Nothing

4:59:29: Check email. Nothing

4:59:31: Open up the clock icon in Windows and watch the second hand go by. I swear the programmers made it like those clocks in elementary school that tick *back* before they tick forward. I hate Microsoft.

5:00: Get an emergency call on the hotline. I'm here till 7 instead of leaving right now. Someone will pay.
posted by Ricky @ 2:42 PM   1 comments
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
A bird chose my car as his form of suicide....

I'm driving to work this morning listening to The Crystal Method because that's how I roll. I'm on Valley, in Pleasanton. The sky is blue, children are laughing, birds are singing. Well, except for the bird that saw my car driving towards him. He was up in his nest, minding his own business I guess, when he decided that he'd had enough of this life. So as I'm driving about 30mph I see him leap out of his nest and do a nose dive into the grill of my Explorer. It must've been quick. I bet he felt nothing. I wonder if he had a bunch of student loans to pay off, or maybe he lost his job yesterday. See that's the thing about suicide without a note. You just never know why.

Rest in pieces, little birdy.
posted by Ricky @ 7:59 AM   2 comments
Sunday, April 23, 2006
I can't decide if this is really cool or really dumb...

Click here.
posted by Ricky @ 9:11 PM   3 comments
It's 2:07 a.m......

Apparently you can text the word "flirt" to 75000 for a good time.
posted by Ricky @ 2:10 AM   0 comments
Saturday, April 22, 2006

If anyone wants to go to the baseball fields behind my house on Sunday the 23rd and have batting practice, call my cell or email me. I'm thinking around 3pm.
posted by Ricky @ 1:06 PM   0 comments
Friday, April 21, 2006
Defense Lawyer Drops Dead While Arguing Case

No need to comment.


posted by Ricky @ 10:49 AM   9 comments
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Saturday is the perfect day of the week.

You might say Friday, but it's not. Friday is a work day, and you have to get up early to go to work. Friday is fun after work, but not all day.

Saturday though. Let's talk about Saturday. You can wake up whenever you want. You don't have to work. If there's some stuff you have to do around the house, you don't have to sweat it because you can always do it Sunday. And, you can go to bed whenever you want because you don't have to wake up early Sunday morning either.

Saturday. Perfect.
posted by Ricky @ 11:52 AM   1 comments
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a daughter today...

Two things about that:

1. I'm having my own daughter, so I'm not sweating it.

2. They named their daughter "Suri", which apparently means "princess" in Hebrew. Or, it means "stupid dumb sounding name that only a celebrity would dare agonize their child with" in English.
posted by Ricky @ 9:29 PM   2 comments

First of all, why the hell aren't any of you leaving comments anymore? Marla, you're the only one excused. STEP IT UP PEOPLE.

Okay, the last week I have had Burger King twice. With Coca Cola both times. It was out of necessity both times though. I know I said no soda or fast food until Kayla is here, but that was the first time in a month. And based on how I felt after, the last time for a long time too. The food didn't even taste that good. But I still loves me some Coke.

Secondly, that new Pepsi commercial with Jimmy Fallon irritates me on two levels. 1, I hate Pepsi. With a passion. And 2, now I hate Jimmy Fallon. He left Saturday Night Live to do a movie called "Taxi" with Queen Latifah, and Pepsi commercials. He should tattoo "sell out" on his forhead and spare us all anymore of his "comedy". I'm 83 times funnier than him and I only have a webcam. Seriously, that Pepsi commercial makes me want to use Gawker Stalker and track him down and murder him.

Third confession, everytime I walk into a store and see baby girl clothes or anything like that, I honestly have to fight back the tears. I'm ready for my baby girl.
posted by Ricky @ 8:54 PM   2 comments
Monday, April 17, 2006
I'm considering it...

Click Here
posted by Ricky @ 2:43 PM   2 comments
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Happy Easter!

My cousin posted a bulletin after she watched "The Passion". She was asking some questions about Christianity and I replied to her. Then she posted a bulletin with my reply, so I figured I'd post it too. It's basically about the core elements of Christianity. It's Easter, so I figured it's fitting.

Let me address a few of the things you said. First, about feeling unworthy. Everyone feels unworthy. Everyone. That's the whole thing about Christianity though. It's not based on things you do, or good deeds you've done. No one goes to heaven because of how many homeless shelters they helped build, or because of how much money they gave or donated. God loves us so much that he gave his only to pay for our sins. God is very serious about sin. So much so, that the penalty is death. If you choose to live a life apart from God and Jesus while you are on Earth, then God will allow you to live a life apart from him in the afterlife as well. There is nothing you or I or anyone will ever be able to do to earn our way into heaven. That's why God sent his son. Jesus was a perfect man. No sin. Not one time did he look at a girl and think about her sexually, he never stole, cheated, lied, etc etc. However, he was nailed to a cross and died so that you and I would have eternal life. The only way into heaven is to believe that Jesus is God's son, and that he died on the cross for you. It's called the ABC prayer. Admit you're a sinner. Believe that Jesus died for your sins, and Commit your life to him.

God did it this way(among other reasons), with his son dying for us, so that no one would ever be able to boast and say that they are saved by works. Once you do the ABC's, you're in. That's it.

You don't have to feel unworthy. Because when Jesus was on the cross, he had you in mind. He did it so you could spend eternal life with him. And God loves Kristina so much, that he sent his only son to die, so you could spend eternity with him. You have to think of God as your father. You wouldn't feel unworthy if your dad bought you a new car, or if your dad did something really nice for you would you? No. He's your dad, he loves you. It's kind of the same thing. God is your father and therefor you don't have to feel unworthy.

Then you said you feel like once you do something wrong, you're going to hell. That brings me back to the other great thing I explained above, is that once you do the ABC's, you're in. Case closed. You can never do anything, and I mean anything that would send you to hell once you have accepted Christ. That includes murder, affairs, stealing, etc etc. Believe it or not Kristina, even though you might think you go through your thinking you haven't sinned, you have. We all sin. Everyday. Thoughts, actions, everything. We all sin everday. And to God, all sin is the same. Sin is Sin. It says in the bible that to God, murder is the same as lying. It's sin. And sin is defined as "Anything that separates us from God." So have peace knowing that nothing you ever do will remove God's love from you and send you to hell. It's impossible. God will never ever turn his back on you. And even if you feel like he is, look around and realize that it's you that drifted from him, because he always stays put.

You said you feel that if you don't pray everyday that God won't accept you. Which again brings us back to the "let no man boast about his works" thing. You're not going to get more accepted by God if you read your bible everyday. You're not going to gain anymore favor or lose anymore based on what you do. You're not saved by works. You are saved by Grace.

Grace is the best thing ever. Because grace is this: A free gift that you didn't deserve. We didn't deserve a sinless man to die for us. He did it because he loved us. At any moment, Jesus could have snapped his fingers and broken out of those chains, or caused his captors to die. But he didn't. He loved you so much that he wanted you to spend eternity with him. So, he gave you a gift you didn't deserve: his life.

And about the Bible having some far fetched stories, yes, some of them seem pretty crazy. But every single one of them are true. In those days people needed things like that in order to believe in something (burning bushes, serpents turning into snakes, parting of the ocean). But once Jesus came along and started doing miracles, he taught that he was the way to heaven, and to believe in him. Some people today say God doesn't perform miracles anymore like he used to. But I disagree. Think about people on their death beds coming out of a coma. Or think about only 2800 people dying on 9/11 when over 10,000 people worked in those two buildings.

I love you Kristina. You're awesome.
posted by Ricky @ 4:09 PM   4 comments
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Pictures of Kayla's room.

posted by Ricky @ 9:42 PM   3 comments
If you notice......

The room looks different because we finally got our carpet! And I have a new desk. I'm tired. It's Saturday night and it's been a long weekend. Peace, love and napiness forever.
posted by Ricky @ 9:25 PM   0 comments
Thursday, April 13, 2006
If God Likes.....

That will be our new car by the end of the day. Except in "sport red". The Chevy HHR. I love it. We're trading in the Explorer "I get 12 miles per gallon" Sport.

posted by Ricky @ 10:49 PM   1 comments
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
My lower left leg...

Feels like it's going through growing pains. That'd be sweet if I grew an inch or two at 28.
posted by Ricky @ 7:20 PM   0 comments
Monday, April 10, 2006

DO NOT TYPE "ricky borba" into google, then hit images, then look on page two. I REPEAT, DO NOT DO THAT.
posted by Ricky @ 6:06 PM   1 comments
Sunday, April 09, 2006
I'm looking for a great video game....

I'm tired of playing first person shooters with unrealistic gunshot reactions. I want a game that where if I shoot the enemy in the leg, he limps. Or the arm, he can't fire back. Catch my drift? If you know of such a game, please let me know. Thanks.
posted by Ricky @ 2:31 PM   0 comments
Thursday, April 06, 2006
I'll be a dad in about a month...

I guess I have to get a lot of things done in the next 30 days or so. So here they are in no particular order, of things I will be doing in the next 30 days that I've never done before:

Get a tattoo
Buy a motorcycle
Bungee jump
Drop acid
Take mushrooms
Pick a fight with someone bigger than me
Pierce under my bottom lip
Run a marathon
Win the lottery
Read from Genesis to Revelation
Become a rock star
posted by Ricky @ 10:53 AM   3 comments
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I really like....

The new Red Hot Chili Peppers song "Dani California". Which means, I will probably end up being sick to death of it by the end of the week because Live 105 will play it 18,231 times.

California, rest in peace.
posted by Ricky @ 12:13 PM   0 comments



posted by Ricky @ 8:05 AM   0 comments
Monday, April 03, 2006

I hear more lyrics! I made another funny!

Baked Apple Pie
posted by Ricky @ 4:31 PM   2 comments
On Wednesday of this week,
at two minutes and three seconds after 1 o'clock
the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't ever happen again.
posted by Ricky @ 12:28 PM   5 comments
Sunday, April 02, 2006

Lately I've been listening to songs and hearing quite different lyrics than what I think the artist intended. So, I made these two little websites to share with you all. The first one is Michael Jackson, and the second one is AC/DC. Enjoy.

Michael Jackson

posted by Ricky @ 10:50 PM   0 comments
Recent movies I've watched and brief reviews:

Fun With Dick and Jane:
Not so fun. Boring and predictable.

Can't understand why people love this film so much. The editing was horrible, the music was completely out of place and sounded like it was made on a casio keyboard. Bad film.

Didn't do a very good job of explaining what the hell was going on. Had to look up the movie on IMDB after it was over just to get my story straight.

This movie didn't know what it wanted to be. Documentaryish, Drama, etc etc. It just felt all over the place.

V for Vendetta:
Pretty good. Although it was kind of slow in the middle.
posted by Ricky @ 10:25 PM   0 comments
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